Scenes From a Mall

I had a day off in Pittsburgh the other day. I had the usual stresses of being woken up far too early to make sure all my little children got safely into their rooms and got their breakfast. The guy on the front desk didnt have keys for two of the orchestra girls, and so flatly lied to my face saying he'd already issued them. I replied; "They're alseep on my bus, dude, I just saw them." Their room wasn't ready, wouldn't be for another 6 hours. I don't want to go on another rant, so suffice to say hotels in America are a nightmare. They have so many staff that it's impossible to ensure your request will be processed. You literally have to call them every day for a week before you arrive. And they still fuck it up. This was no exception, but THIS IS NOT A RANT. So I'll stop now. Wankers.

There. I usually feel really bad about ruining everyone's day off because of aforementioned shambolic hotel system, so I often sneak out and spend the day on my own, taking in the sights and getting photographs. At some point in the evening the Wolfman takes over and I somehow manage to pull. God Bless America. And girls who drink way too much Guinness.

This day off was different. I agreed to go to the mall with Lars, one of the chefs. Yes, I've been critical of malls in the past. Repeatedly. But this is no ordinary mall.

For those who don't know (I didn't) this is the mall where George A Romero filmed Dawn of the Dead. In 1978, possibly while I was being born, they were making this seminal movie in the middle of the night. The store-owners would just hand over the keys to Romero and some guy named Taso and let them do what they wanted, provided they paid for any damages. Which, considering the mess they made, accounted for most of the $1.5 million budget.

I'm not a huge horror fan. At 13 I stayed at a friend's and watched Nightmare on Elm St 3 and it shit me up big-style. I actually started saying prayers again for a few months until it became a chore and I decided to take my chances. After that I was afraid to watch horrors at all for for years. The next one I watched was Scream, and I remember being terrified at the beginning, just from knowing it was also made by Wes Craven.

Zombie movies freaked me out as a kid- all the groaning and dead eyes (a bit like that Bowie bird from Brighton Beach, eh Davey? hoho) so If I hadnt been a fan of Spaced, I doubt I would have ever even watched Shaun of the Dead. But a zombie movie isnt really a horror is it? More of a gruesome action movie.

Hmm, I'm rambling, so I'll wrap up. Comedy cured me of my fear of horror films. A horror film cured me of my fear of malls... If this cycle continues, what can the mall cure me of I wonder? I was trying to look like a lothario-zombie here. instead I look like Ed Norton in The Score. OK, bye-bye.