Happy New Bleargh

New year, new ways to complain about the same stuff. I am at something of a crossroads- to quit or not to quit? Following the Biggest Show in the World ™, I’m not relishing the prospect of the year ahead. I’m just a lazy bastard, no doubt about it. However there are several other factors to consider, which I will outline, in no particular order.

It’s the 2nd of January as I write this, from Cologne, Koln or Keulen, depending on which language I’m speaking. This is ENGLISH, for the uninitiated. We are one show down, another is soon to follow and then we have no shows until the 25th. I’m on a salary though, so rather than whoring myself out freelance or just taking an ill-deserved holiday, I have to hang around the office, looking at cute kittens or douchebags and their latest photographic conquest. I don’t even have to look busy as such, I just have to be there. On the rare occasion I have to ask my superior in the next room anything, I find it’s usually easier by e-mail.

In the past year I have acquired a lovely, gorgeous, expensive, loving girlfriend. In England. She puts up with the fact that I’m somewhat underdeveloped regarding emotions and feelings and communication and other gay stuff. I’ve hatched a fantasy scenario whereby I continue to work for this company for a while, without having to hang around in the dead-time, this way I can get an apartment on the coast with my lovely lady, without the pants-shitting fear of coming back to England with no job. To my addled brain, it makes perfect sense, but my boss may think otherwise…

I’ve never been sure exactly what my job entails, as the contract is all in Dutch. But I do know it changed significantly 3 months in, and I gained a lot more responsibility, due to my boss’ attention being diverted to the aforementioned Big Show. I have a mental list of stuff I definitely have to do on each show-day, and the rest of my time is taken up dealing with whatever situations arise unforeseen. Most problems can be solved with money. I don’t even have to spend it myself; I have a runner to do the dirty work. As long as the figures balance at the end of the day, I don’t have to worry. Now that I have an Excel file worked out, I don’t even bother checking if I balance at the end; I just hand over the receipts and whatever cash I have- there’s no point looking for anymore because I remain honest and it is what it is.

On a recent trip to the offices to hand in paperwork and get more pocket-money, the human resources lady asked me to sign my contract- for the year I’d just worked, not the year to come. I held off on signing a new one, but I’m pretty sure there was no change in job-title and no pay-rise. It’s not the done thing to ask for such a thing, mostly I think because we’re all aware of how replaceable we are. Let’s face it, I was a glorified bartender before I did this, and the other guys on the payroll (hourly, I might add, the lucky bastards) were previously an ice cream man, a baggage handler at the local airport and a cucumber salesman. Considering we now go to the US four times a year and have Japan and Australia on the horizon, it’s little wonder they choose not to rock the boat.

While the company pays 100-plus Euro’s per night on hotel rooms for a dozen Canadian cameramen and sound-techs, I’m paying 500 euro (currently about 370 quid) a month to live in a cellar with no vacuum cleaner and mould in the roof.

OK, I think you get the point; I’m sick of my job and refuse to see the good points. This is a very long-winded way to say it, though. Maybe I should just do the Family Fortunes Test…
So, you can’t decide whether to quit your job? Let’s see…
Are you making a lot of money? Eh-Ehhh!!
Are the prospects good? Eh-Ehhh!!
Oh dear. So you must be having fun, right? Eh-Ehhh!!

I think I just answered the question that costs me what precious sleep I can get while living in an airless room with bars on the windows below a roundabout. Sorry to have taken up your time.