Bless you, anonymous woman! And thank you, shitty laptop!

OK. I've calmed down considerably since I tapped out that diatribe last night. I think I was in danger of catching eBay fever again. I had a bad belt-buckle habit for a while a few years back. If I'd won that romper suit, I would have started down a slippery slope resulting in my buying a diamond-encrusted dummy from Puff Daddy. (It helps him sleep, bless him.)

I hope the lady who won that item gets hours of joy cleaning vomit and excreta from it.

So yep, sorry you both had to witness me in the depths of a babyclothes binge. From now on I'm just taking it one day at a time, tryin' to live mah life right. I'd also like to apologise to the recyclable drinks container I brutally destroyed last night.

That said, I'm still pretty pissed off at the handyman who woke me up at 9.45 to change a lightbulb and then had a 15 minute telephone conversation in Dutch. I wish I'd pushed him off his fucking stepladder.

I'm just like a powder-keg aren't I? Humility one minute, white-hot, bottle-tearing rage the next.

But that's the way you like it baby...